How to approach and pet a dog

You’ve seen a dog in the park, in the mall, on the street – anywhere, really; pick a location – and you’ve fallen in love. You want to pet this dog. You need to pet this dog. This is the world’s most adorable dog and you will die if you don’t pet them.

So now what?

Observe

The first stage to approaching a new dog is to observe them. Are they happily engaged in a game with their owner? If so, don’t disturb them. You’re not on their list of priorities and they’re having fun – leave them to it.

If they’re not playing with their owner and are just sitting around, look at their body language. Do they seem nervous? Scared? Are they generally anxious about their surroundings? If so, it’s probably best to leave them alone. Remember, it’s probably all the strange humans in their surroundings that are making them nervous and you’re one of those humans. A greet-and-pet session is probably not something they’re looking forward to.

If the dog seems relaxed, happy and generally affable, then move on to stage two.

Owner’s permission

Approach the owner and ask if you can pet their dog. A pet parent knows their dog best; they will know if petting is likely to aggravate them or if their canine loves attention from strangers. If the owner says no, respect the decision. Don’t be offended and don’t ask them for reasons. It’s not your right to pet this dog (even if they’re the most adorable dog in the world).

If the pet parent says yes, we’re at stage three!

Pet’s permission

Dogs are individuals too, and they get to decide if they want to be petted or now. Blue Cross calls this the three Cs of Canine Choice.

· Check: We’ve already gone through this stage – it’s checking with the owner to see if it’s all right to pet their dog. You’re only at this stage because they’ve said yes (don’t skip this stage, people).

· Call: Tap your thighs and say, ‘Come here, boy’. Make sure you’re at a slight distance. This will give the dog the chance to choose whether or not they come to you. Remember, these dogs are house-trained, so they know what patting your thighs and saying come here boy means. If they don’t approach, they’re not in the mood to give you attention; it’s not because they haven’t understood.

· Count: If the dog approaches, stroke the shoulder nearest to you without leaning over the dog. Three strokes should do it. After three strokes, stop. This will give the dog a chance to move away if they’re uncomfortable. If they don’t, they’ve deemed petting is all right and you can continue.

Never

While advice may differ on how precisely to approach a dog – for instance, whether you keep your palm up or your palm down when offering it to them to sniff – there are some tried and tested ‘nevers’ in the dog-approaching world.

Never approach a dog from behind

Approaching a dog from the back can startle them, and make an already anxious dog even more fearful. It can even aggravate usually calm and happy dogs. Think about it – would you be happy if a stranger tried to stroke your hair from behind? (You probably wouldn’t be happy if a stranger tried to stroke your hair at all; that’s creepy behaviour and you should get as far away as possible.)

Always approach a dog from the front, where they can see you. Remember, you’re twice the size of a dog and tower over them, which can be intimidating. Try turning your body sideways when you approach – this isn’t natural for most of us, but it will make you less imposing to the dog.

Never close in on a dog

Running towards a dog you don’t know or pushing in on their personal space is just bad manners, and can really upset a dog. Running can be seen as a form of aggression, and closing in on their personal space can make them feel trapped, especially if they’re out in a crowded human area. Be respectful.

Never hug a dog

Look, we know hugs are how you show love. But that’s not what dogs feel when they’re hugged; they feel trapped and worried. It’s a threat and they don’t like it. Remember – no matter how fluffy or beautiful that coat looks, no matter how much you just want to hold that adorable puppy face and show them how much you love them, never hug a new dog.

Never rough pat a dog

This seems obvious, but you’ll be surprised at the number of people who don’t know this. Even if you’ve crossed all the hurdles for dog petting and this new dog seems to be enjoying your attentions, don’t rough pat a dog. That means no tapping their rumps or booping their nose or anything else social media may have made sound cute but that is actually distressing for a dog. Be gentle. Be allowed to pat is a privilege – use it as such.

Never grab their tail or pull their ears

Again, this would seem obvious but a lot of people don’t know this. Even if you have a pet at home and are used to touching their tail or pulling their ears in affection, don’t do it to a new dog. You don’t know what this dog likes and you’re a stranger to them. Always remember that. No matter how fluffy that tail looks, no stroking it. No matter how floppy those ears, no tugging it. Dogs are not playthings.

It’s perfectly fine to pet a new dog and show them love, if you follow the steps given above. We all want the dog to feel comfortable and safe, and these steps will help.